random baby shoe lust

I've been feeling bad that I didn't post that much this week, so, here's one for you: it's totally not related to ministry, but I knew I shouldn't have clicked the link in the email that I got from See Kai Run. You see why?

I had several pairs for Jack, and now he's beyond their normal line, and they hadn't created the "Smaller" line when he was that small (thank you Jesus, my wallet is very glad about that.)

But, alas, I have discovered them for Irene, and I already have more than she needs.

I'm sure this pair is going to just add to the shoe chaos, and the money-spending. Good thing I'm working full-time again!

(And just in case you're wondering, I am not getting any money to write about this -- it's a combination of lack-of-posting guilt and baby-shoe-drooling that is compelling me to do this. However, if the good people at See Kai Run are feeling generous....ahem....)

Baby Steps

I admit it, I'm having a little bit of a hard time adjusting. I am feeling like I should be moving mountains and doing great things just because I began as the sole pastor at a new church one week ago. Even with in that sentence, there is so much wrong! Of COURSE I should not be doing it all just in this one week!

But I've always been this way. I was telling a senior colleague yesterday that I remember the first day of ninth grade, when my class moved to the senior high school, I went home disappointed that I had not made any new upperclassmen friends. I had heard that ninth graders could become friends with upperclassmen, and darnit, I though it should happen right away!

I know it takes time. And apparently God/the Universe wants to help me know that. In the span of two minutes, I read the following two emails. The first is from sojo.net (the only Sojourners site) from their daily Verse & Voice mailing (which you can subscribe to here if you're so inclined.) It always includes a Bible verse and a quote from a theologian or religious thinker. Today's quote was the following from Joan Chittister:

"Every spiritual master in every tradition talks about the significance of small things in a complex world. Small actions in social life, small efforts in the spiritual life, small moments in the personal life. All of them become great in the long run, the mystics say, but all of them look like little or nothing in themselves."

The other email was my Daily Kabbalah Tune-Up from The Kabbalah Centre. I love this daily email; it has some of the most real-world, profound advice, and it's high-quality EVERY DAY. Today's said this:

"'Change the world' is the rallying cry of our generation. But the big secret is, because we are all connected, nothing outside changes until the inside changes. Working on correcting our personal flaws is what leads to global change.

Let this paradox sink in: The more you want to change the world, the more you have to change yourself. Today, focus on one tiny thing you can improve about yourself — or at least begin to work on."

I need to just relax. Just trust. There will be work to do, there will be projects, there will be people to sit with and there will be ideas that God will bring that I don't even know about yet. It's only been a week. Every day I am meeting new people, I am learning more about them, I am merging into their community. Thank you God for reminding me that I don't have to do it all by myself, and that I don't have to do it all in capital letters, all the time.

Gracious Receiving

I have been thinking about posting something about graciously receiving since reading the discussion on churches holding baby or wedding showers for pastors, which was yesterday's Ask the Matriarch question over at RevGalBlogPals. That article was mostly about receiving gifts, and whether or not it is appropriate for a pastor to do so in the church context. GREAT discussion and ideas in the post itself AND in the comments! I highly recommend you take a look.

Reading the post and discussion had me thinking about gracious receiving in all its iterations, including that of compliments. And, by no mere coincidence, I actually read the email I got from DailyOM from Wednesday, and it was about "Receiving a Gift with Grace." You can read it here.

I learned about gracious receiving in great part from my friend Jen, who was a member of the church where I served as Interim Youth Director during seminary. She is one of the people in my life who has the best boundaries, who is very self-aware, who is capable of graciously stepping aside from duties she's been saddled with if she is feeling overwhelmed. She is also one of the most generous people I know -- she's the one who will go to the ends of the earth to get me exactly what I want for my birthday, and the summer before my third year of seminary when I was just about flat broke at all times, she took me out to delicious dinners and paid for me to paint pottery so we could hang out together while doing it. Even now that I am a *bit* more financially stable, she'll often grab the check when we have lunch or dinner together. She has taught me not to argue when someone wants to give you a gift, no matter how small or large (though of course the concerns about whether the gift is a tool of manipulation in a congregational setting apply...there are always exceptions to the rule.)

Jen also taught me that even if you are not happy with how you've performed, if someone wants to give you a compliment, you should accept it with grace, even if you feel unworthy. One Sunday, I sang a solo in the church, and I did quite a job on the high notes; it was a very less-than-stellar musical offering, to say the least. But the pastor complimented me and thanked me for my gift of music, and I remember giving a sort of wincing smile (in front of the whole congregation). After the service, Jen gave me a short, but effective, tongue-lashing, reminding me that if a compliment is paid, I should receive it with a smile and not rebuff the giver by shooing away the praise.

So, the article in the DailyOM about the transfer of energy when a compliment is received seemed especially poignant given what I have learned about how to handle another's generosity, whether it is with a physical token of appreciation or with a gift of verbal praise. It seems like a small thing, but especially in the context of serving a congregation, being able to graciously receive their compliments, whether on my preaching, my music, or my leadership, has been a life-changing experience. It allows me to open my heart to what the people want to say to me, and it also allows me to feel confident in my abilities (so that when the inevitable NON-compliment comes my way, I can handle it better.) Even small physical gifts have been received, and I have learned to return a gift in the form of sincere gratitude. It is a beautiful, circular exchange of positive energy!

Belly Dancing in the Chapel!

There are moments in ministry where it is just absurd. Absurd, I tell you!

Now, I often find absurdity in life, but sometimes, for whatever reason, I find more absurdity in ministry, probably because the reality can veer so far from the expectations.

Today's example is mostly silly, of course.

I began at my new call on Monday of this week. We have quite a few members (proportionally) in a nearby retirement community/assisted living facility. So today, I went to visit there, thinking that I would get to visit a WHOLE bunch of people since they're all in the same unit. And you know where they were? In their rooms? Nooooo....they were in the chapel. Watching belly dancers. In the chapel! Absurdity!

So I went to visit the one woman who was in the dementia unit. There, they were having their monthly birthday party. So I got to sit with her and chat, but I left before the cupcakes were served. Didn't want to be seen as a mooch.

When I walked back past the chapel, I asked if the chaplain was around (because I know him.) They said he wasn't in his office, but since the belly dancers were being televised (!) on the closed-circuit channel (!), he had seen it and had called in to complain that a banner with the phrase "My cup runneth over" was included in the shot.

Hilarity, I tell you! Hilarity and absurdity!

And all this on my third day...

My Toddler Understands the Healthcare System

This morning my son put his Fisher-Price blood pressure cuff around my wrist.

"Hold it, and I'm gonna pump," he said. Then he paused. "Two dollars."

Reaching for the squeezy pump, he paused again. "Three dollars."

I pretended to give him money.

Then he started to pump.

I think he knows how this works.

You Are the Message

You should check out this piece on Jonny Baker's blog. It's just a short little wrap-up piece about the week when he was teaching at Lancaster Theological Seminary (of which I am an alum) this past summer for the Summer Academy (hey, we'll give Bruce Epperly and the gang a little bit of free publicity).

The picture that Jonny took is amazing! It's the pictures like this that make the worship he creates so fabulous. Has inspired me to try to keep a camera with me at all times so I can snap amazing shots (I can only hope) and eventually use them at some point...maybe in blogging?!

However, I think my son just broke my camera while I was writing this post, so my acquisition of a skinny-mini camera to tuck into my purse may have to come sooner than later...

RevGals Friday Five: Closet Case

Okay, it's my first chance to play Friday Five since joining RevGalBlogPals, and I want to make sure I get the chance to play before going on vacation! (Also, packing for vacation is a great way to get thinking about all the crap you usually keep in your closet and how much you actually NEED...)

Today's questions:

1. Are you a hoarder, or are you good at sorting and clearing?
Little bit of both? I try really hard to keep my closet edited, but I have those things I just can't let go of. For example, I AM going to fit back into my "skinny" jeans someday, after I'm done having kids and whatnot. They're about two sizes smaller than I am right now, but they are definitely my goal jeans, and I think they're realistic. I try to use some of FlyLady's methods to help me sort through my closet, and I love the feeling of taking a big bag to one of the Salvation Army receptacles nearby. It's just that sometimes when I sort, I have trouble saying goodbye to something that's probably been in my closet for longer than necessary.

2. What is the oddest garment you possess and why?
Hmmm...oddest...I'm going to bring my husband in on this one, because I really don't have too many odd things. I really have tried to edit out the crazy, never-gonna-wear-it odd stuff. However, he hangs onto things more than I do, including 4 insanely ugly (I would love to show pictures if I weren't in the throes of packing for the beach) Hawaiian floral shirts that he won't throw away because "his grandma gave them to him and they hold sentimental value." Seriously. If you knew my husband, you'd know that's a bunch of bunk. He actually likes them. That's the scary thing.

3. Do you have a favourite look/colour?
I admit, I have a lot of black and grey. You just can't go wrong. I'm really trying to edit my closet so that I have a "look" to some degree, and that I have some classy pieces. My goal, once I begin at my full-time call, is to purchase some nice J.Crew cashmere after I start getting larger regular paychecks (an increase from working part-time for the last 7 months or so.) I think I look pretty decent in winter, with lots of nice sweaters and good pants, but in summer my look kind of goes downhill with too many flimsy t-shirts. I want to do more pulled-together short-sleeved sweaters and shells, and nice capris or long pants, not so many jeans and t-shirts when I'm trying to be professional!

4. Thrift/ Charity shops, love them or hate them?
I don't hate them, but I don't frequent them. I have some good friends who've gotten tremendous buys, but I am not a digger, and so I often avoid them unless I'm really in the mood to hunt for something good. It would probably be worth my time to become more frequent at them, though, even for household items. My friend just found a brand-new Kitchenaid stand mixer for only $100 at our local Goodwill!

5. Money is no object, what one item would you buy?
Well, I am going to say this even though I don't even know if I'd like them...but I've heard so much about Lanvin flats that I'd have to splurge on a pair. I would hope that they'd fit my feet nicely and be like walking on clouds and all the lovely things that people say about them. (If they didn't work out, I might have to chase down a Marc Jacobs bag.)

Well, I hope I made a decent go of the Friday Five! Looking forward to playing again in two weeks -- you probably won't hear much from me until at least next Saturday, if not later in the week of July 13th.

Blessings to everyone on the 4th of July weekend!

Singer in My Soul

I think my brain is completely empty lately. Maybe it's the moving on from one place to another (though not yet, so I'm definitely in the "in between" time). Maybe it's that we leave for vacation tomorrow so I'm all twisted up with vacation-planning thinking and worries about whether or not I will forget anything (and HUGE amounts of negative brain power wasted thinking about how awful I'll look in a bathing suit this year). But anyway....

I offer up this poem/prayer by Joyce Rupp from Prayers to Sophia for nourishment both for myself and any readers this morning:

"Singer in My Soul"

Singer in my Soul!
I long for your song
in my empty heart.
Is there a place
where you can hang
your notes?
If not, whisper them,
in the thin air.

Chant little threads
of your wisdom
in the hollow spaces
of my emptiness.

Sing me the old stories
that strengthen me,
stories of your beauty,
tales of your compassion.

Enter into my day
with the tender press
of your unfailing love.

Singer in my Soul,
arouse my listless spirit
with the sweet sound
of your hidden presence,
and the gracious melody
of your continual kindness.

"There is a spirit in her that is...irresistible, beneficent, humane, steadfast, sure."
~Wisdom 7:22