Okay, so that's kind of a long word to do that with, but I am freaking tired of "how things look." Especially in the church setting. Especially in the UCC, where we even did a radio spot saying something about not worrying what clothes you wear to church because it's worship, not a fashion show.
Anyway, my parents have long been concerned with these "appearances." While I lived at home, my mom required me to wear skirts/dresses to church, NEVER pants. As soon as I moved out of the house, I immediately started wearing pants to church -- no one seems to care, Mom! With my dad as a pastor (even though I didn't grow up as the traditional PK because he wasn't full time till I was older), we always had to be concerned with "looking good" and "don't embarass Daddy." So no wonder I have issues and am self-conscious. Geez.
I am just so tired of having to worry what people think. I am trying to worry less, and be myself more. I am not a man, I am not old(er), I am not going to always wear a suit (hardly ever, actually). And these are supposed to be good things about me! Yet I feel like to really be a "typical pastor" I should be conforming to all the things that take away from me special and different and perhaps attractive to the person who does not want to go to church with someone of the former description.
The more we worry about "how things look" the more we propogate this whole system of condemning people when "that looks bad." So you're busy on an afternoon when there is an important service? You know, that might be okay. You can't do everything in this world. You are allowed to have a break. (I'm saying this to "you" you, and to me.) We are under the stress of so many obligations, our faith and church involvement should not feel like a vise. Even for those of us in leadership.
There, I said it.