on ditching figuring out my purpose. or letting it be reeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy broad

I've been super cranky today. Because I got stuck in this circle of trying to find my purpose. Not a cycle, not even a swirl, a CIRCLE. Like a chasing-my-tail, about-to-fall-over circle.

All it did was put me in a bad mood. What is my purpose? Am I living it out? How can I live it out? Can I live it out before I FIGURE it out? Will people around me assign it to me before I figure it out for myself?

Then I talked to my husband, and in his normal irreverent way, he said some bad words about having a purpose. He told me to forget it. He said he doesn't have a purpose and he's totally fine with it. He said he thinks people who are super-sure about their purpose are lying and possibly misguided. Or maybe they're totally cool. But it's not because they figured out their purpose, it's because they're just chill anyway.

Then I thought about what I love to do. I love to love people. I love to be open-hearted and have my arms wide open and shower people with love and affection and unconditional positive regard. I love to listen to people and know their whole stories. I love to sit with people and try to surround them with comforting energy and be fully present with them. I love to learn and grow.

I do NOT love to try to make people do things. I am not a coercer. I am not a motivational speaker (well, possibly I am but only for people who want to be motivated, and then I think sometimes they hear what they want to hear.) I do not love to organize people or plan events. Ack! Freaks me out.

So, those are some simple distinctions.

Today, I either have no purpose, or my purpose is to love people. That's the reeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy broad purpose: love. At one point, I thought my purpose was to be a healer, and that might not be too far off. But for today, I need it to be even broader. True, I probably can't monetize it to make 7 figures on the Internet. It's the kind of purpose that will lead me to jobs that also have me putting myself out there in ways that might mean I get hurt a lot, too. But I think it's right for me.