we begin the rest of our lives...

Tonight, as I drove away from my parents' house, after a wonderful evening of visiting with friends who were in from out of town for the funeral, I looked back at all the trees in bloom and had this thought, "Now we begin the rest of our lives...."

It reminded me of words I often share in a funeral homily, from The Heart of Grief by Thomas Attig:

"When someone we love dies, we lose their physical presence and all that it means to us. We lose the fulfillment of many desires, expectations, and hopes centered on them that we still carry within us. We lose our abilities to interact daily and to continue into the future with them as our habits, dispositions, and motivations still incline us. We begin the rest of our lives without them, ready to go on as if they were still here. But we cannot, try as we might. In losing them, we have lost the possibility of going on as we would have had they lived."

I wasn't ready for those words to hit so close to home so soon in my life. But they are true for me, now, in this time.

We will go on. My mom and my sister and I made a pact tonight that we will always be there for each other, supporting each other, being honest with each other about what we need and when we are low so that the others can help. We were commended many times today on our strength, and even though I bristled when people said, "Stay strong," I know that we can.

So, we begin the rest of our lives...we will have some very difficult moments. We will have some moments when we think we can't go on. But we will put one foot in front of the other and find a way through this.

Thank you for your prayers and support during this time. It means the world.