mine is not a new story

Some of you know from Facebook and Twitter and around that my dad has leukemia and is in the hospital. Sometimes the news that we're getting is not so good. I'm not sure what else to say. Sometimes the word that comes to mind to describe myself is bereft. All hope is not lost; another round of chemo will hopefully begin tomorrow, but the doctors say that with this 2nd round there is only a 20% chance it will be effective, and the next step seems to be to watch and wait.

I quoted this song by The Fray in my ministerial profile...I have moments where I look back at myself and am embarrassed that I did that, but still, these lines are what come to mind in situations like this:

"Mine is not a new story

Mine is not a new story

Mine is nothing new

But it is for me"

Not much of the rest of the song applies to me, but these lines always stand out. I know other people have gone through this before. I know that other people have lost those they love, in ever more tragic ways. But I still don't quite know how to handle it. I drift from grateful to morose, from hopeful to pessimistic. I sometimes cry sweet, tissue-dabbing little tears, and other times huge, snotty, raging sobs.