reverb 10: december 17 - lesson learned

reverb 10

December 17

Lesson learned: What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

Hmmm...the best thing? I feel like I have had some important realizations that will hopefully help me to be more mindful of some of my traits and habits and work to change some things and do more of other things. I don't know that any of them count as best, but here goes:

1. When it comes to finances, if I am not threatened or faced with severe deadlines, I am a giant slacker, and it is a problem. -- Working to practice financial responsibility without threats!

2. I was raised to believe that because I was smart/bright/innately intelligent, if I had to work too hard for something, I had already failed. This is a bummer because a) it gave me a sort of elite, looking-down-my-nose-at-hard-studiers kind of sensibility and b) it didn't train me how to work hard for things that don't come easily to me, but which are still necessary and/or worthwhile. I remember my parents saying things like, "Oh, so-and-so is book smart, but you are smart." That sounded like a compliment at the time, but now I wish they wouldn't have said it.

3. I learned that sometimes, because I was smart and capable, I felt as though I was left to do things on my own, and that made me feel lonely. It also made me feel as though if I asked for help or even wanted help, I was somehow less-than. I am learning that sometimes I just want to work as part of a team, whether I need to or not. This is also an important parenting lesson, because I see it in my son. Sometimes he pretends he can't do something so that I will accompany him while we do it together, and I want him to both know that he is capable and doesn't need me to hold his hand all the time, as well as to learn that I will not abandon him and leave him lonely if he can do something without my help.

Those are some pretty big realizations, huh? I hope that some of the putting-into-practice will help me to have an even better 2011, with even more realizations, than 2010 with some of its already-profound realizations!