Wednesday, February 10, 2010

all is continuum

The older I get (and I'm aware, I'm still not very old at all), the more I think that life is a continuum.
There is no such thing as Arriving, as Getting There.
Rather, it is a continuum.
This is what I think on my best days.
On my worser days, I want to Arrive, to Have It, whatever IT is, to Be There.

This pertains to so many things: my weight, my home (both the house and the tidiness factor), my abilities, my career, my mindset, my spiritual life, etc.

Good days: I know that life is a journey, not a destination, made up of baby steps, at times two steps forward, one step back, that I need to take the long view of issues related to my body, to church, to faith, to parenting.

Bad days: DO IT NOW OR THE WORLD WILL END!
ALL OR NOTHING!
DON'T RELAX!
DON'T LET UP!
YOU'LL GET IN TROUBLE IF YOU MISS A STEP!
AAARGGGHHH!
(Sorry for the all caps, but yes, this voice yells. Loudly and frantically.)

So I'm working on giving more credence to the rational, long-range voice, and less to the all-or-nothing, do-or-die voice. It is a *practice,* I know...just as with what I mentioned above, there is no "success" of reaching this thought process. It is a daily journey, renewed each morning. This is both a blessing and a frustration. But mostly a blessing.

2 comments:

Kristin T. (@kt_writes) said...

Yes! I can really relate to this--to the pressure I put on myself, and to how I'm gradually learning to let go of my high expectations. I love how you put this: "I'm working on giving more credence to the rational, long-range voice, and less to the all-or-nothing, do-or-die voice."

Part of the trick is exactly what you're talking about: understanding that all of this is a journey, a process. I think the other challenge, for me at least, has been to accept that there's not just one "right way" or "perfect outcome." When I think there is, then I'm always scrambling to find it and achieve it. When I realize there are many paths in the realm of God's grace, I'm more open to seeing where I'll be led.

Gail said...

I always think that maybe I have Arrived, I already have It, I'm already There. If that's the case, why don't I just relax and enjoy it? I don't want to look back and say I had IT ALL and didn't know what I had.